Expectation: No-expectation = 1:1

1:1

I know these things are supposed to help you and i honestly thought it did.
Every one on one i had the last year was basically conversation. We (supervisor and me) would talk about random things.
I remember the first one, he showed the slide of a one on one guide line. Aspirations, interests. worries, hold backs.. All of which did not really apply, because i was there for a year. I had no aspirations, no career advancement goals for 1 year. He then said usually he somehow ended up talking more during these sessions. I then proceeded to give him advice on how to not do that.
And so it goes...
Every meeting a conversation about small random things. A reason to 'play hooky' and have a chat during work hours.
And then my supervisor changed, the nature of these meetings changed.
But it was still all good.

This year.
I've had maybe 3 in total?
Out of which for 2 I was trying so hard to control my emotions and not cry.
(because crying always makes people feel uncomfortable and they don't know how to deal with it. So why give them the emotional stress as well yeah?)

I already talked about the last one.
This one, this week. uh well
It was the repetition of certain things that got me all 'feeling-y'
(I was like "did you talk to her?" "No? then why you guys saying the same thing")
Okay I digress too much, the point was, something he said stuck to me.
And today i managed to put it into words.

I asked "what is your expectations for this team?"
He said "I have no expectations. This is just me personally, I do not like to put expectations on people. Because if they fail, the whole cycle of me being disappointed and you feeling upset and angry that I am disappointed comes into play. So I don't see the value on placing expectations"

I wanted to ask 'what about if we came up with expectations as a team? All of us together. What I've always known for team/group play from camps and such is that expectations help people to perform. A common goal to work towards.' But I didn't.

So here is what I figured out, on why it stuck to me,
I don't agree. I feel that expectations need to be placed upon people (don't force it down their throat but its a goal to work towards) because if no one has any expectations for me and all I have is myself and my own goals I miss out on the feeling of making someone proud. I get happy that i reached my goal, but the feeling of knowing that you did something that someone is proud of is different. To know that someone is incredibly proud of you, that their faith and trust in you was worth it. To know that someone cares enough to expect.

This is me probably just projecting my life experience. I feel like no one has ever had any expectations for me. So yes, it looks good and sounds good to say my GPA, getting into a program that sent me overseas for a year and im working in a good place. I'm happy, I'm proud of myself for getting here, but I don't know if anyone else is.
(It sucks cause I don't even know if anyone is disappointed in me)
The human brain is programmed to require validation from everyone surrounding them. That validation or lack thereof often supercedes the validation of the owner of the brain.
Which is sad.

So yes, projecting your expectations on others is harmful, if you or they take it as the absolute.  It causes a cycle of emotions that is useless. But having completely utterly nothing is also not the best case.
Life is complicated and humans are variables that make it more complicated.

I thought that you would be the hero
Come and save the day
But you're a villain
Your sins unforgiven