OKAY WARNING THIS POST IS RIDICULOUSLY BORING AND I AM PROBABLY THE ONLY PERSON WHO ACTUALLY WANTS TO READ IT. AS IN LIKE SERIOUSLY THIS IS NONSENSE SHIT, BUT I ALREADY TYPED THE WHOLE THING OUT AND I DON'T WANT TO DELETE IS SO IM STILL GOING TO POST IT. WOW EVEN MY WARNING IS NONSENSE, WHAT IS UP WITH ME TODAY?
i know this is long overdue but
yeah.
i just still wanted to write it, to make sure i
That first paper, the non-examinable one. I felt that i could float? Not on either extremes but just manage to be in the middle. I do remember whispering bastard under my breath. Because i had expected more calculations questions, which is what most people bet on to score better for the papers.
So i sat there for 1 and a half hour, thoughts ranging between answers and trying to remember to scolding myself for not being able to remember.
The second one, non-examinable again. This one was a bit tricky. I never actually got around to learning/studying her first few chapters that i missed. So yeah there was that, which meant i sucked at her common test. The final paper i feel was a float again. Not sinking, not up to the surface either.
The first one again, i call this one the first one again because its the first of the examinable.
This one was at the tfa. As i walked past the glass doors the 15/20 minutes before the paper. i looked around and noticed things i had not before. How the cream tiles looked like a sun rays. the way we used to draw them as kids. Lines coming from a semi-circle. How the cream tiles matched to each pillar.How cold the floor was. At first i was standing around then i got lazy and i sat down. I remember the cold because i could feel it seeping through my jeans into my bones even. I wondered was the floor really this cold? All the time i spent (sleeping) on this floor and i never felt it that cold. Then there was all the other people in their groups with papers and notes studying before the doors opened. It reminded me of the lunch times when everyone would be sitting in a big group eating... eating.
The doors opened, I went in. I flipped through the paper and thought "i know this" 'read this one before' 'saw this before' 'oh this one yeap i know this' . then i close the paper and wait till i can write.
I finished it quite early. I looked around, the pillars still irritating me, because it broke the room up weirdly. I thought about how it would really be if we took the paper in the tfa. The small table, not big enough for the test paper, the close proximity making it so easy to cheat. How weird the lecturers would be on stage, because that would give a better view of everyone.
I don't know what normal people would normally think after finishing the paper but still sitting around. Well a wild guess would be they leave, but yeah i sit around and think of stuff like that. I used to think of the different ways i could cheat, even test drive the movements and actions abit.
I just realised how long and boring this is, probably should put a warning up top that this post is going to be ridiculously boring. But life is boring, most of the time we just do routine stuff. Unlike the shows we watch and what we would like to believe not every day/episode of our lives is fun and exciting and filled with laughter and drama.
The second one was in blk e.
Its just a thing for me I guess, maybe others all well. But i always look up and glance at the cr.
Looking/checking for what, i don't know. It just happens. I turn and look always.
it was a tricky paper that i have to come accept. The dull moments during the paper i told myself, 'no don't get too upset about this. you could cheat and you still wouldn't do better than what you already have. because the questions you don't know is stuff not in the slides. its nonsense.'
When i leave I go to the space outside cathay and i sit. then i move to the school and sit and observe people. That height is actually really good to do that. The sunsets, it gets dark and people can't see me in the corner any more. but i can see them, so i sit and watch and think about what i have done.
The last paper, nowhere exciting, the lounge and blk A.
Now this one, cause we had all been studying for two modules in the 1 week plus before, we had kinda pushed this to the side and hoped that chiong-ing for 3 days would be good enough. So the thing is, i don't chiong like other people. I need to sleep, i like my sleep. So no, i don't stay up through the whole night, or even till 3am studying. And i can't study at home, it just does not work. no matter how quiet and noisy the environment for the day. So the time i spend outside is what i get. The earlier i leave and the later i get home the better. I remember the day before was particularly tough, it was sunday. An already hard day to get out of the house at a decent early hour. But i got out, i found a place. After a few hours i was getting desperate. I felt like nothing was going in. it was like the whole sleep concept
Last time i could not sleep. like i would just stay in bed and stare at the ceiling and toss and turn till who knows what time. Then i went to research, how to get to sleep. And i read, and it stuck that sometimes people get too anxious about trying to fall asleep that they can't. The more they think about is, the more they can't sleep. So they should instead relax. It made sense, because as time dragged on i would get more worried and that in turn made my brain work up more, made me more anxious and i could not fall asleep.
So as time ticked away and closer i got more worried about not getting it, that i really could not get it. I would read that same line a few times before it made sense. I changes place, sat in a chair and tried to memorise. So random people got to hear about how a machines makes the tablets they eat. The irony considering that they and i were at a hospital. Then i got hungry and sleepy and wanted to give up. but i forced myself to stay abit longer, 10 mins, the end of the page, the end of this section.
the next day was stupid, i was again desperately trying to memorise while also half giving up and thinking screw this. But i did push through and did not stop. So the paper i thought i would crash and burn i did not. But some grace the stuff i memorised was the stuff that came out. The stuff that i knew was the stuff that i needed. I was happy.
But while everyone was overjoyed and saying ' ' (i still can't say it, not in my head, not out loud)
My first reply/thought in my head was an automatic 'yeah hopefully'
I just always had this doubt, had this maybe thought in my head.
okay you might think its weird to study in a hopsital, but the think is the bk there is quiet and i really love the window/view there. and it also serves as a food source. The first time i went i decided that place had good mojo and i would be a repeat customer, the only issue was how after like 3 hours i would start freezing there. but i brought my thicker jacket as backup so alls good. Also good mojo places are hard to find, cause you only know if there's good mojo if you really need to study. and when you really need to study you kinda don't have all the time in the world to go exploring and looking for places. if you find good mojo, treasure it!
okay now i have no idea what my initial train of thoughts were after that short train up there. so uh guess this is the end?
