My long dragged out week with no internet is over. I feel so addicted, like i really really had no idea what to do in my house with no internet. ahha im pathetic really being so attached to something as trivial as internet. Yeah i know its a new age/era and all where technology rules. In the world where we suddenly care so much about the amount of energy we waste/use why do we bother? Why bother with new technology that's just eventually going to suck energy and fossil fuels. The whole the end of the world thing, seriously. You pride yourself on being so advanced compared to previous generations but you're going to listen them to tell you when the world ends. Mayans, practically extinct if im not wrong yet you trust them.(actually about 6.1 million people identify themselves as maya.) If i chose to believe that after 21st its a new cycle what really changes? Do you we suddenly gain wisdom and act like humans should act? But I don't, they wanted to start a new cycles after 5000 years well i'll start mine with some other date okay.
The common test week, was terrible. I need to do well, I can't sink my CT. I did something I had thought alot about but never suspected I would actually do. Do I regret it though? Not really, cause honestly it wasn't much. I don't regret it, but would i do it again? That, well that is up for debate. I don't know what was going through my head. For my last paper gosh I wanted to cry so badly before the paper. It was just that, tension was running high. And people were being irritating, but i can't really go out and yell now can I? Well its over now. The last-paper-after-party though was just lunch and home.
The first week of the so-called break was spent with lab report. As much as I'd like to ignore it i must admit despite that one week of running, i still have a whole bunch of things to do. The highlight though? T3, finally my annual trip to T3. She came late, very late. But it was amazing and magical on my own. I was so happy and in awe. The trip there was sad. I was happy, genuinely and i don't even care that its over nothing, to me that's one thing to be oh so grateful for. Despite everything; time, words, distance, estrangement, longing, disappointment. traditions make it all go away and i''ll hold onto that.
So today 23, day before Christmas eve I sit here typing this with my papaya scented candle from ikea, which suddenly does not seem scented any more. Things seem more settled down, but I can't help but feel I did something wrong. Was there something I could have done better? Never ending game of could I.
Long handwritten note, deep in your pocket
Words, how little they mean, when you're a little too late
I stood right by the tracks, your face in a locket
Good girls, hopeful they'll be and long they will wait
Distance, timing, breakdown, fighting
Silence, the train runs off its tracks
Kiss me, try to fix it, could you just try to listen?
