You know that feeling when you tell someone some news and then have to explain it.
And you think the information doesn't affect you, but each time after you explain it you wonder.
Are you reasoning it out for them or for yourself?/ And you can't help but think about it, even after they walk away.
Time does not move any faster or slower.
Its all in our head.
This year at so many times felt like it was taking forever, now it feels like its rushing.
Pushing up the timeline for when we return, was a last minute and poorly handled decision on their part. But where was the immense joy i was suppose to feel? I just kind of feel lost. Im not sure what to feel, how to feel, what should I be doing?
Im mostly all packed. ahaha had to run a pretty early trial pack run to ensure I could fit all my things in. Its not that I accumulated alot of stuff, its just when scattered around the room, you never really know. It all fits so yay for that! I would definitely have accumulated more things had the fact that i'd be leaving at the end of the year not been on my mind the whole time.
Bonds; its sad and almost seems cruel to allow someone a year to make memories and bonds and then to just expect them to walk away. To expect them to just leave. Their off hand comments about how we gel so nicely as a shift, how we are the closest they have gotten in work, makes me have a moment. It weird, but every happy moment this past month has been tainted in sepia coloured lenses.
I take it for the happiness it brings me but also reminded of how short-lived this type of joy will be. Never will i again be able to experience this moment. I don't believe i'll find the same type of people again. All I have is this short time left, for this chapter of joy and love.
