At times suddenly I look towards the sky and wonder,
am i really here? How am i here, because at times it feels no different.
Work is work. I have gotten too used to the shift schedule here I think, give me anything else and i'll probably start complaining.
But i feel like im losing grip.
I want the people i know, i want the people i love.
The messaging, the voice notes they're just not the same.
I wanna go out for lunch and have an actual conversation.
I feel like my mood swings super easily here. One minute im super happy and awed by the sights, next i feel irritated by the people next to me
Do you really have no preference? I am sick of hearing "anything you guys decide"
Its just majorly annoying when I know there's something you'd rather try, rather see but you say that.
And yeah i can push through and make the decision, but then when i see the faces (it brings me down) my mood changes in that instant so fast (I just want you to be as happy and to enjoy the things as much as i do, it doesn't have to be the same thing i get that it won't but just happy) (is that so wrong? it that so hard?) (does happiness have to be so hard to find?) (maybe im just too used to finding my own that its not that hard to find the small joys in life)
I am thankful for this adventure, for this chance. That maybe someone thought i was worth it enough to spend money on. I don't know what i would be doing if i was home. But i want to be home.
I want the room to take me under,
Cause I can't help but wonder
What if I had one more night for goodbye.
If you're not here to turn the lights off, I can't sleep.
These four walls and me.
