Such easy words to throw around as excuses.
I just wish I knew, much earlier on, maybe it would have made a difference.
A difference to where things stand today,
A difference to my emotional well-being,
A difference in the hard decisions i have to make.
A difference to what people feel today,
A difference to myself, for all those times when I felt so alone.
I always thought i was strong, that i would not let anyone beat me down.
But when the person beating you down is someone you trusted and believed for so long...
Guess i was wrong, looks like i am more naive and fragile then i thought I was.
As I force myself to realise what others can clearly see.
I just feel so stupid.
What do you say when tears are streaming down your face in front of everyone you know.
Arghhh i don't know what to feel any more. I feel so bad for saying those words, because those same words when directed to me caused so much pain. Guilt.sorrow.
This is just me lashing out and also trying to hold it together.
Maybe tomorrow will be a better day, but arghh I can't be hopeful any more. My blind optimism has already caused so much so but as i try to cast it aside I can't help but realise its also something that I desperately need.
I've been in self-denial for too long. This has to stop.
You have nothing to fear but fear itself.
I try not to fall apart,
And the sinking feeling starts,
As I say hopelessly
H, maybe im not useless. But I was told that from the inside, its hard to think otherwise. but the vote of encouragement does go far.
To you, you as a person are not scary. It's just the support and hence power you have over someone that can make someone feel afraid. But the fear only starts with a trigger point so maybe i should have avoided the trigger. I guess we can only work if we have regular attacking sessions.
Distance, timing, breakdown, fighting, silence this train runs off its tracks....
