Daydream would be more accurate. Of things that probably would never happen.
Now and then I think to myself, am i not old enough that i should stop dreaming?
Isn't it something that little kids do?
But how can i stop.
When i feel like that is the one thing i have left to hold on to.
Everything i know as it is now, is going to be gone. I don't know what i feel.
Can I ask, what would be the logical, normal emotion to feel?
Cause i never feel the right things.
Friends say goodbye and 'I will miss you'
I don't know what to reply. Bye? I will miss you too? How can i say that for sure, when i don't believe it when you say it yourself. Because come on, you have a life, you are starting an exciting new chapter of uni and new friends and stuff. You are not going to miss me. Im not missable material. Im just there. And thats all i ever have been. You are going to struggle with stuff and everyone else is going to help you through it. All i can hope is that when i come back you can still remember my name. I wish you the best in life, i hope i can still know what's going and i hope you find new people.
Sometimes you don't realise what it is you need till it finds you.
So thank you to that person with the note that said 'i'll be here waiting for you'
Im scared i'll admit. Not of what happens or might happen there. But of when i come back.
I can't expect things to be the same here. Things change, people change
Seriously that quote has been used way to much.
Im scared if i can find my place back again when i come back. Will i still be a person that people want to be friends with? Putting aside the possibly step accent i might come back with.
Im going to miss home. The weird comfort of sitting on my kitchen floor, blocking everyone's path. The people in it.
I feel like there's a time bomb over my head. There's a clock counting down. I have a disease and have limited time left. Its a mad rush to do everything like there will never be another chance. In some ways that is true, i will never be this young and stupid and carefree again (ahaha like tumblr quote like that sia) There's a lot to be said for experiences, for changes and for chances. Just have to learn to accept that this is happening. And its going to happen no matter what. Dreaming about delays just set me up for disappointment. Seeing the flight details, my heart raced, panic and desperate longing for it not to be true.
Anton ego is just another customer. Let's cook!
-Ratatouille
